broken hearted girl :(

y must i go through all these all over again??? :'(

something about u :)

like seriously???

im so bored!!!OMG..has been spending my time at home most of the time,only go out when i need to..and oh,i went for a short vacation last week to kuching srwk..
actually i went there to send my brother to UiTM Samarahan,he's continuing his study there..sad to know i no longer hv my bro next to me when im driving.. :P

anyway,gtg for now..will cntinue chit-chatting when i hv time to type more..

going out~~

adios amigos my bloggie love~~ :)

a total messed up..

i dunno how should i put this on words..my days have been really disturbing with lots of thoughts in my head..

to realize that i used to be so in love with him,i wonder where do the feelings go..like seriously,where?i end up having doubts on my own feelings,which is a total pissed off when i think about it back..

yes,i promise him my heart,my commitment to our relationship..but to knw that we are now in a situation where we could even barely talking like evryday..not talking at all to be exact..and it makes me wonder,do giving commitment to each other means less communicating will be fine for both of us?..we used to talk on the phone evryday even though jz for a while,but atleast we knw whats going through each others life..but it seems that lately,we dont even talk at all..
i respect him and his determination,and i knw i shouldnt be disturbing him but to knw that i care for him evryday and it makes me thinking of what he is doing,how's his day and etc..but it came back to me,that i shouldnt be acting like he must,or he need to tell me evrything bout his daily life cz im nt even his wife..so fine,put that aside..need to put my mind back on the positive side..
but then again,im wondering..do he even realize that there's someone out there,and that someone is me,is thinking bout him,care bout him,wondering bout his whereabouts???..to be honest,i dont like the feelings of being wondering about him..the feelings tend to mixed up with the feelings of care,missing him,thinking bout him and evrything..and it then turn to negative side,where i think that he might be thinking that i hv no feelings at all,i'll be fine with anything,nothing will disrupt our relationship,and i will be like,"what am i?a mannequin?i dont hv feelings towards anything?" *sigh*
i saw this quotes somewhere online and it mention there that there's 10,080 minutes in 1 week..and im wndering,y he cant even spend few minutes with me?but then it came back to me again,who am i to actually request for such things?im nt even that important in his life..fineee..i end up gave up..

i end up giving up to all my hopes that i hv put too high for me to expect things to be better..from now on,im jz gonna let things to go on their own,and i hope it will be better someday..

i dont know what to think anymore,i think too much that it makes me to have doubts on my own feelings,my mind..

i guess,i jz disappointed on how things didnt turn out well and how i hurt myself too much to accept the facts that once again,i was left alone in a relationship where it suppose to have 2 person..

i pitied myself for being so dumb to be hurt again.. :(

somehow..

sometimes,i dont get why things must happen dat way..cant it happen the other way around??why cant things happen in a much more better way??why must it comes in the most worse scenario and at the same time hurting people's feelings..it feels awful okayy..ermmm

guys???i always wndering bout guys..i didnt really see these things in the girls behaviour cz i knw how they normally act towards their man and their relationship..i was wndering,do guys plays harder when it comes to have the girl of their dream??they will say zillions of good things if they can be with that girl,and once they hv her,*snaps* they'll stop doing so..i mean,once they hv their girl in his arm,dats it..there's no worries of knwing the girl will run away,no need to say good things anymore cz they've already got what they want..

and i dont jz say things all of the sudden..

i feel really awful right now with things around me..

i feel like i was played,and yet in love..

i feel like im nt appreciated,and yet i appreciate the other one..

i feel like im the one who's being stupid,and yet i let myself look dumb..

i feel like im not suppose to be in this situations,and yet i let myself into it..

i feel like im not love by him,and yet i let myself be loved by him..

i jz dont like the feeling of being worried all the time..i hate it..

i dont like the feeling of being neglected by the person i love so much..

i dont like the feeling of knwing he might forgotten bout me..

i dont like how things changed when its not suppose to..

im so cnfused right now..i dont even knw what to think..i feel dumb,i feel miserable..

how i really wish i can vanish for a while..

the mass.. :)

its good friday evryone!!to evry Roman Catholics out there,i wanna wish in advance to all of u,HAPPY BLESSED EASTER DAY!!! :)

so im having my offday today from work..phewwww..thank god..ngeeee..

its the holy week of easter,and all christians are supposed to go for a 4 days straight of masses going on form holy thursday,good friday,easter virgil and easter celebration..

last nite was the holy thursday mass,n i get the chance to go with my beloved ohana..its been a very cold evening..brrrrr...this morning was the station of the cross,and later in the afternoon was the good friday mass..

this year hv been different.. :)

i went to good friday mass with my ohana,but unfortunately we hv to sit separately as our sitting preferences differs from what all of us..BUT..this time im accompanied by someone special..woot woot~~~will keep the name as a secret..ngeeee..we decided to go church together as he didnt go to church for quiet a while and sorry to say,i need a husband who can lead me in my spritual thingy too.. :P

we met there at church,and he look great in his casual attire..awwww..*heart drops*..so we sit together outside,since its hot and we want to sit at a place which is windy..heeee..its was 1hour and a half i guess before the mass,and we talked a lott..how i fell for him once again with his smile and his humor..not forgetting to mention that he do hv a small lips..n damn what dat makes mine?? T.T

teeetttt~~so along the mass,its been a blessed for me to have him by my side,at the church praying together.. :) ..he said he felt like im his fiancee and his wife..awwwww..i felt the same way too..how i wish i can hv him by my side now.. :P ..can we skip the engagement part and the wedding part?? :P as if i can lahh kann.. :P

the cnclusion of my craps today is that im so happy to hv been spending time with him doing what we're supposed to be as a christians.. :)

thank u and hv a pleasant time reading my craps.. :)

finally found my new and hope gonna be my everlasting love.. :)

he's good looking,tall..heeee..but most of all,he's understanding,matured,caring,full of commitment...

cnclusion,he's my all.. ;)

wouldnt bother his past,cz all i knw he's my future..he might be old to some people,but he's my one and only..he might look like a playboy,but he's my man..he might not suit me in some way,but he's my type..he might not be there for me all the time,but i know he loves me with all his heart and so do i..he might not have his all to give me things,but i knw he have his heart for me..he might not have the world for me to live in,but i knw he have his own world for me to be a part of it..he might not be perfect in evryone's eyes,but he is perfectly created for me by God..

i might hurt other people to be with him,but i hope they knw that he's the one for me and nt for them..i might be thinking that im insane to be with him,but i know from the moment he let me in to his heart, i should do the same and i did..i might be jealous and mad with him,but i hope he'll understand that all i want is him to be with me and not with other girls..i might say bad words to him,but i hope he know that im only joking to get his attention..i might do childish things towards him,but i hope he knows that life doesnt hv to be so serious..i might demands things from him,but i hope he'll understands that all i want is his heart for me and only me..

thank god my decision to finally open my heart have been a blessings..couldnt stop telling him how much i love him evryday with all my heart as my days have been great since i met him..

no need to be official to say love,all you need is to be honest,loyal,faithful towards ur loved ones..

Thank you Lord for giving me another chance to feel your undying love for me..

Thank you Lord for letting me to be love by him..

Thank you Lord for sending him into my life..

Thank you Lord for evry amazing moments in my life.. :')

p.s i love u sayang