i dunno how should i put this on words..my days have been really disturbing with lots of thoughts in my head..
to realize that i used to be so in love with him,i wonder where do the feelings go..like seriously,where?i end up having doubts on my own feelings,which is a total pissed off when i think about it back..
yes,i promise him my heart,my commitment to our relationship..but to knw that we are now in a situation where we could even barely talking like evryday..not talking at all to be exact..and it makes me wonder,do giving commitment to each other means less communicating will be fine for both of us?..we used to talk on the phone evryday even though jz for a while,but atleast we knw whats going through each others life..but it seems that lately,we dont even talk at all..
i respect him and his determination,and i knw i shouldnt be disturbing him but to knw that i care for him evryday and it makes me thinking of what he is doing,how's his day and etc..but it came back to me,that i shouldnt be acting like he must,or he need to tell me evrything bout his daily life cz im nt even his wife..so fine,put that aside..need to put my mind back on the positive side..
but then again,im wondering..do he even realize that there's someone out there,and that someone is me,is thinking bout him,care bout him,wondering bout his whereabouts???..to be honest,i dont like the feelings of being wondering about him..the feelings tend to mixed up with the feelings of care,missing him,thinking bout him and evrything..and it then turn to negative side,where i think that he might be thinking that i hv no feelings at all,i'll be fine with anything,nothing will disrupt our relationship,and i will be like,"what am i?a mannequin?i dont hv feelings towards anything?" *sigh*
i saw this quotes somewhere online and it mention there that there's 10,080 minutes in 1 week..and im wndering,y he cant even spend few minutes with me?but then it came back to me again,who am i to actually request for such things?im nt even that important in his life..fineee..i end up gave up..
i end up giving up to all my hopes that i hv put too high for me to expect things to be better..from now on,im jz gonna let things to go on their own,and i hope it will be better someday..
i dont know what to think anymore,i think too much that it makes me to have doubts on my own feelings,my mind..
i guess,i jz disappointed on how things didnt turn out well and how i hurt myself too much to accept the facts that once again,i was left alone in a relationship where it suppose to have 2 person..
i pitied myself for being so dumb to be hurt again.. :(
